herald

Tuesday 6 December 2016

Stuff a woman in a coffin and talk to her like Darby O'Gill - now that's Irish

The Bachelorette is one of those shows where once you finish explaining the concept you feel you need to shower.

Basically a bunch of guys follow a girl around like remoras follow a shark. Each desperately hopes she will pick him as her beau forever. Or at least until filming stops and they can no longer get free trips and stay in fancy hotels. It's basically gigolo roulette, filmed for your entertainment.

The circus came to Ireland this week with a visit to Christchurch Cathedral where Kaitlyn Bristowe (the bachelorette) snogged with one of the lads while being crooned to by The Cranberries. Yup, in Christchurch Cathedral. Classy, wha'?

As if heavy petting in a place of worship in front of Dolores and lads was not enough, the producers found a way to be even more offensive - they replicated a 'traditional Irish wake', by staging one featuring a woman who wasn't dead.

sensitivity

That's right. They decided to highlight a bit of Irish culture but didn't pick poetry, or music, or literature. They picked our method of respecting and remembering our dead.

They went about it with all the subtlety and sensitivity you'd expect, stuffing Kaitlyn in a coffin and having people say nice things about her in Darby O'Gill faux-Irish accents.

At the end of this charming episode, the woman and two of the remaining remoras were brought to Ireland's Eye, where she selected one of the suitors and rejected the other. Who cried like a baby.

What made him so upset? Did he really think that one day he'd be sitting with his grandchildren, telling them how he stuffed granny in a coffin and told her she was pretty, in the hope that it would prevent a group of other guys from taking a run at her?

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