herald

Tuesday 26 September 2017

Melanie Morris: I hate you, Jennifer Aniston

We hit it off at first -- and I've tried to stay with you, but your creepy baby food diet was the last straw

I hate to do this to one of the 'sisterhood', but you know how when you go off someone, you really, really start to dislike them?

Well, I'm afraid that's happening with Jennifer Aniston and me.

For a while there, we were doing well. I felt there was plenty I could relate to her about and we'd have plenty to share over a skinny latte.



RIDICULOUS

Ups and downs both ... relationships, work breaks, fashion choices, family aspirations... Then she just goes and gets ridiculous.

The latest thing? She's living on a diet of baby food to drop a quick half stone off her already tiny frame. As far as celebrity diets go, this must be the most bizarre. Fourteen small pots of pureed grub over a fortnight on the advice of Gwyneth's personal trainer.

The fact that she's doing it is daft, the fact that we all know about it, thousands of miles away is sad.

She seems to be living her life through a series of magazine covers -- any magazines -- from Vogue to the American supermarket rags. There seems to be no 'quality control' about the woman any more.

The same can be said for her choice in men.

Once it was Brad Pitt. Fair enough. Then it seemed to simply become whatever co-star she happened to be in a movie with. Via that John Mayer guy with whom she broke up, he kissed and told all, and then she went back to him last year so she could get some red carpet arm candy.

Huh?

Hardly the stuff of a contemporary Hollywood star, unless you count Lindsay Lohan in that group.

Jennifer has become so adept at striking up something special with her leading men, that these relationships have even been given a moniker of their own -- a "faux-mance" And there's the rub.

I didn't feel embarrassed for her when the news came out that whilst having his hand furtively up her backside at one premiere for The Bounty, her co-star Gerard Butler had actually been doing a steady line with some nice girl away from the spotlights.

That's what you get for misleading the world in public, Jennifer, the truth will always out.

Does Miss Aniston think I'm a sap? Does she think she has to have a hot boyfriend for me to like her? Or a skinny body (let's face it, what a waste, her fashion sense doesn't exactly set the world on fire). Or perfect skin? (there's rumours of plenty of subtle 'work' on top of the original nose job).



SAGA

Does she think I won't be interested in her unless there's another chapter in the Brad, Jen 'n' Angelina love triangle saga to lap up?

I liked her when she was just a little more normal. When I could relate to her.

Now she's just pretending to be normal and it doesn't wash.

Enjoy the baby food Jennifer, but stop feeding us mush.

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