herald

Tuesday 26 September 2017

Melanie Morris: Dear bloggers ... please just go away and buy a diary

FOR the past couple of years, well-meaning friends of mine keep encouraging me to start a blog. But at risk of upsetting and offending a whole 'community' out there ... I hate the idea. I can't see the point and more than that, I can't be bothered.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but to me, blogging is basically like keeping an electronic scrapbook. But instead of writing little notes about things close to one's heart in a big book, bloggers do it on-line (ha ha, cue a witty car bumper sticker), for all to read. And there's the rub. Who cares? Who wants to read someone's musings on how many different KitKats they've eaten in a day? Or which movie twists were the smartest in the past decade? Except someone who hasn't a life.



SURGEON

More to the point, why would anyone think so much of themselves that they'd want to share that sort of information with the world? Unless the world asked first, of course.

And in my case, why would I do something for 'fun', when it's my job to do it for money? Wouldn't that be like a surgeon spending a Sunday operating on his own leg for a bit of craic?

Bloggers are basically the buskers of the internet. They come online, all self important and opinionated, grab a pitch and start shouting loudly. Most of the time they're shouting to themselves, or at people who shuffle by quickly, eyes averted.

Bloggers are wannabes with broadband. Look at Perez Hilton. A tubby, blue-haired geek from Hicksville who wanted 'in' to a showbiz world he wouldn't have a hope of accessing otherwise, he blogged about La-La-Land. Now he's Lady Gaga's GBF (Gay Best Friend). And does an alternative commentary at awards shows. Does this mean he's made it?



TUBBY

Maybe so, but for every Perez, how many unknows are there, banging their little drum on some far-flung corner of cyperspace unawares to the rest of us? And for good reason. Most bloggers are just over-inflated beings who lack commitment. After an initial flurry of activity, they lose heart and leave their opus unattended, while they go off and get fixated with Farmville, or FIFA 2010 instead.

But it's having to put up with their puffy tone that irritates me the most. Why do I want to know what you think? And who exactly made you grand tsar of opinions anyway?

So, no, I think you can safely assume that I won't be starting a blog any time soon. And as for all you shouting away in the blogosphere out there, didn't anyone ever suggest a diary?

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