I WAS so envious of all the people I spotted over the weekend using the city bikes scheme. The weather was glorious, and everyone smiled as they glided through the streets of the capital.

But I've passed by the bikes now for months as I'm far too nervous to try them. I tell myself it's because I hate Dublin traffic and I think it's dangerous, but it's actually because I have a completely irrational fear of all things associated with bikes.

First of all, the idea of not being able to work out the paying instructions petrifies me. I think I'll look like a dozy eejit when my bike won't come out of its holder and all the other cyclists will laugh at me.

I'm scared all the places will be gone at the other end of my cycle and I'll have to lock it up miles away.

And I'm scared it'll get stolen, like my own bike was, outside Ryans' grocery store when I was nine. Come to think of it, I don't know if I'd even remember how to ride a bike anymore. I can see myself cycling straight into the canal and everyone outside the Barge Bar pointing at me in hysterics.

It's clear I have some issues I need to deal with in relation to these bikes. They seem to be tapping into oh so many strange and weird hang-ups.

Maybe I should just feel the fear and take the plunge.

I can take lesbian jokes because I can laugh at myself. But Boyle's tirade on Down Syndrome went beyond cruel

DID you hear the one about the Down Syndrome person and his funny, stupid voice? No? Well, me neither. But it seems Frankie Boyle, the stand-up comedian, was in the mood for a bit of disability humour last week.

During his show, Boyle (who is a regular on BBC's Mock The Week) made jokes about the way people with Down Syndrome speak and about how they dress. He laughed at the jobs that they could do, and he joked at their parents being old and out of touch.

He also made a number of references to people with Down Syndrome dying early.

So when Sharon Smith's husband, Kieran, noticed during the show that his wife was becoming emotional, he asked her if she was okay. Boyle then saw them talking in the front row and asked why. She told him she had a child who had Down Syndrome. He brought the attention of the whole audience and his show on to her, and tried to laugh it off. He said, "Ah, but it's all true isn't it? Everything I have said is true isn't it?" To which she replied "No, it wasn't."

After further explanation of his humour, Boyle was obviously angry and told her that this was his last tour ever and he didn't give a f***.

I have read Sharon Smith's blog, in which she tells a very calm and measured account of the evening. What I find most upsetting is that she feels so stupid that she didn't explain herself properly. She wished she had told the audience that her beautiful daughter did not fit into any of the stupid stereotyping comments he made.

But how could she? This woman became the focus of an insensitive, crass, bullying comedian, who doesn't know bad comedy if it was to land on him like a 100 tonne cement block.

I have also read many comments on websites about this incident and it seems Frankie Boyle has his supporters. Some feel that his objective is to say what everyone thinks, but is too polite to say.

Listen, I get the whole Chris Morris/Little Britain/let's make fun out of the minorities and the weak, but Boyle targeted those who couldn't hit back. There is cutting edge, and there is cruelty. I can take jokes about lesbians moving in together after one date, because I can laugh at myself and the joke is about human behaviour, and fitting into stereotypical roles.

I can laugh at Jackie Mason and his Jewish jokes, firstly because he is Jewish himself but again they are observations of a culture, a history and it is humour from an informed place.

I can snigger at Patrick Kielty's IRA gags and Matt Lucas being the only gay in the village.

But I don't believe in humour that comes from the school of thought that just because it is a taboo subject and you can't normally say it out loud, therefore it's funny.

I am glad that this if Frankie Boyle's last tour. Maybe he could take time out and come back with some humour to attack people who deserve it -- the banks, the politicians, the Church. Did you hear the one about the bank that took a few billion euro from the public and then gave their staff a pay rise ... now THAT'S funny.

Hot stones therapy left me cold

WHAT is the deal with Hot Stones therapy? They're just hot stones, for goodness sake. I even read Angelica Houston (right) was a fan. Genius. Ten stones that could be popped in the oven from the local beach for all I know, plonked on your back as they run your credit card through for €80. Ker-ching!

More fool me, I had a go.

I remember the plink-plonk Buddhist music in the background as I lay on the table in the dark.

The stones were placed on my back, one at a time. I waited for a nice feeling, for someone to massage some part of me. I waited to get some sense and say to the therapist, "You're having a laugh". But she could have been out having a fag and a G&T for all I knew. Forty minutes and €80 later, I left feeling more stung than 'stoned'.

I now stick to the old-fashioned pummelling of a trained therapist who works hard for her money. Hot stones for crazy prices -- just how mad are we?