herald

Tuesday 27 September 2016

Fashion police working overtime as sun brings out Crocs and other shocks

Crocs a serious offence. Photo: Jess Daddio
Crocs a serious offence. Photo: Jess Daddio

I'm still basking in the afterglow of the start of the sunshine. Wasn't it top? But weren't all those summer fashion horrors awful? The fashion police have clocked up massive overtime tearing up and down the country.

Can we ban the Croc? It's the season's equivalent of the Ugg. Big, bulbous and rubbery. They have to put holes in them so that your feet won't sweat. They sweat anyway. They just make it a little more bearable. They're just about cute on kids. Not on grown men.

Also cute on kids are plaits and holiday braids and ribbons. It sort of feels a bit like infantilising women when grown-ups do it when they're not at a festival. In general, there's been a lot of overdoing the festival look this week.

I feel sorry for politicians at this time of year. They look over-groomed and uncomfortable wearing a suit and tie when it's 30C outside, and resemble your dad trying to be cool when they sling their jackets over their shoulders.

Toenails

Bouffant hair-dos and tons of make-up all look too much and too sweltering.

There's under-dressing too. Horny toenails and leatherette feet do not work in flip-flops. Capri or cargo pants or whatever they're called that end at the calf? This doesn't work on men or women.

Tying a jumper around your waist was another prominent sartorial feature this week. Fair enough that our weather is changeable and you thought it might get nippy later, but this is one look that should be reserved for toddlers.

Pork pie trilbies - those small hats do nothing except make your face look fat. Just put on some sunscreen. Short sleeves too are a little risky. Fast food attendant, anyone?

Attempts to keep cool by wearing less or wearing the wrong thing can have disastrous consequences for your professional and fashion standing.

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