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Saturday 10 December 2016

THE NAKED TRUTH OF BENDING OVER BACKWARDS

I was in New York a fortnight ago for a family event. As I was strolling down 5th Avenue with my cousin, (I needed the exercise as I was after eating a burrito that was longer then my left arm), I asked her what was the craziest thing I could do in the city?

She thought for a minute and then said: "It has to be nude yoga."

She was also quick to say that she hadn't tried it herself, but she knew people that had. "They found it very surreal," she added. I'll bet.

"What? Like yoga in your actual nudie pants?" Patsy asked when we reconvened for our coffee morning last week.

"Yes and, according to my cousin, it's all the rage. You can do women only, men only or all together," I explained to them. They were aghast.

"Maybe it's just me but the last thing I would want of an evening is to be in front of some oul' lad who is stark naked as he lifts his legs over his head so he can touch his forehead with his toes. It would be like looking down one of those sink-holes," Patsy said, grimacing like a bulldog sucking on a lemon.

"He'd probably say the same about you," Maggie replied.

Patsy gave her a Chinese burn for her trouble. Honestly, you would never guess these two are in their 50s.

The truth is the last position any of us would like to find ourselves practising in our nude whilst chanting a mantra, is a wide-legged forward bend.

I'm sure the sight of us would be enough to send the world's stock market crashing through the floor.

There are people out there, however, who are a lot less uptight than we are.

On one of the well-known websites for nude yoga, Bold and Naked, based in New York, they say that, "Practising yoga naked frees you from negative feelings about your body and allows you to be more accepting and deeper connected with yourself and the world around you."

"That wouldn't really work for me," Maggie said.

"I mean, I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off the people around me. I'd spend the whole session comparing my wobbly bits to theirs."

Whatever floats your boat.

One of the owners at Bold and Naked, Joschi Schwarz, also advises students they should expect teachers to hand-administer postural corrections.

Patsy didn't like that idea. "Can I just tell you, if I did a handstand and my boobs fell across my eyes and some yoga master tried to hand-administer a postural correction, I'd hand-administer a clip across his ear."

Nude yoga. Coming to Kildare soon. NOT!

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