herald

Thursday 31 July 2014

So excited by boyfriend's pal

Q I'M worried about the effect my boyfriend's best friend has on me. I wouldn't say my stomach flips whenever I see him, but I certainly feel a lot happier when we're in a pub or club and he walks in.

Life just seems more exciting and fun whenever he's around, and I feel myself light up in his company. If he doesn't show up, I feel terribly let down and disappointed the whole night.

I love my boyfriend and we're compatible in many ways, but I've never felt giddy or girlie around him like I do his best friend.

I always get an affectionate hug from this guy who I have to admit has a lovely girlfriend who he seems really keen on. I often wonder if things would be different if I had met him first and sometimes just thinking about him makes me feel lonely and sad.

A To find somebody who you really have great chemistry with can be exciting, but in this case I would strongly urge you to keep your feelings for this guy to yourself.

There is too much to lose if you act on your feelings, and you will risk hurting a lot of people.

Instead, pour your energy into focusing on why your own boyfriend doesn't give you such butterflies, and try to inject a bit more excitement into your love life.

I do believe that things happen for a reason, and you weren't meant to get together with the other guy at this stage of your life.

Do your best to push him out of your mind and view him as nothing more than a friend you care about.

He probably isn't worth ending your relationship over.

Q A college friend came up with the great idea of having a clothes sale for charity in the run-up to Christmas. Everyone got on board and some people even gave clothes and handbags because they felt it was for a good cause.

A group of us have been looking forward to the sale, but she recently announced that she had it at the spur of the moment in her apartment and it was a great success.

She said students in apartments around her came over and bought stuff. We've never met any of these students who, apparently, go to other colleges.

She is also being very vague about how much money she raised and what charity it'll be going to. Have we all been ripped off, do you think, and is she in fact the charity?

A This is obviously a delicate subject to approach because you don't want to end up accusing her of hanging on to the clothes and bags. However, she really must be accountable for where each item went to, plus how much was raised and for which charity, as it's only fair on all who contributed to the cause.

I would advise you and your fellow workmates to put pressure on her to come up with the exact details, and to come up with a reasonable reason for why she held the sale ahead of time. Don't be afraid to really demand an explanation, and even the contact details of some of the students who supposedly bought the pieces.

You all deserve to know the truth.

Q I am a 55-year-old woman who was treated to a facelift for my birthday by my husband. Best thing I ever did, as I look in the mirror and look younger and this makes me feel more energetic.

I approach life with much more joy since the surgery. Here's the problem, my friends don't seem so keen to meet up with me any more.

None of them have had surgery, so perhaps my new face makes them feel old. I love my new look, yet I miss seeing my friends.

AI think it's wonderful that you decided to take control of your looks and your life. Surgery for your face must be a daunting prospect, but you're obviously delighted with the results and it has given you a whole new lease of life.

However, It sounds to me that you're friends are either a little envious or feel intimidated by your new attitude to your life and looks.

My advice is to raise the subject with them and ask them why they've been keeping their distance.

Explain that you miss them in your life and you'd really like to clear the air and get everything back to normal.

Ensure they know that you're still exactly the same person as you were before the surgery.

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