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Thursday 19 October 2017

She gets online grief for dressing kind of slutty - do I tell her to ditch the hot pants?

my friend keeps getting things said about her on Facebook - that she's slutty, for example - and they're not true. From what I can see, they are based on jealousy as she is gorgeous looking.

But the thing is the way she dresses means that she invites the attention a little. I know you don't judge people by how they look, but when she's walking around in hot pants no matter what the weather it does send out a certain vibe.

I think she craves the attention of boys, but she doesn't realise that she's going to get it anyway because she's lovely and funny and beautiful.

Is there any way to make her see that she might get less flack if she adjusts how she dresses, while not making her think that I am on "their" side?

You definitely have to approach this in a very subtle and gentle way to avoid offending your friend, but I do think it's important to protect her from being bullied online.

Unfortunately, it's always going to happen, so sometimes it can be more simple to adjust our behaviour or pictures slightly so that people aren't so inclined to be cruel. That said, if it doesn't bother her then I don't suggest she does anything at all.

As you say, it does come down to jealousy and nothing that she has actually done wrong. If you want to broach the subject with her, say it casually over coffee. Keep it really positive and just explain gently that she is so gorgeous and sweet and funny that she'd look good in a bin bag and it would do no harm to dress more casually.

You could also point out that men would see her as more relaxed and approachable if she went for a more pared-down look. But ensure you make her feel good about herself and don't allow her to feel attacked or embarrassed.

AN old boyfriend just made contact and I'm in between partners so I hooked up with him - the past is always a curiosity.

We slept together but did not talk about any kind of long-term plans - I went on my merry way the next morning but received a text almost immediately to see what "we" were doing that evening.

Texts and phone calls have followed along with talk of holidays and what we might do. We split because we wanted different things and valued different things - they were fundamental issues, so I'm not sure why he thinks we can suddenly, a year-and-a-half later, bridge these gaps. How do I let him down gently? He is very, very keen.

Unfortunately, this guy seems to think that you're back together, just like the old days. You may not have made it clear that you're not interested in committing to another relationship with him, but curiosity got the better of you.

Obviously, this is a decision that you will have to make on your own, but if he continues to pursue you and pester you to consider dating him again, you'll have to think carefully about why it didn't work the first time around.

By the sound of it, you instigated the break-up and he's never got over losing you. If I were you, I would look at the situation from every perspective rather than just dismissing the idea immediately.

But you need to have an honest chat with him very soon if you decide that you don't want to be his girlfriend again.

Be kind but firm and explain the reasons why it didn't work last time. He'll inevitably end up getting very hurt if you get together only to break up again. Be empathetic but confident in your decision.

My mother kept my Communion dress - unbeknown to me - and last weekend told me that it's in pristine condition for me to give to my own daughter to wear this year.

To be honest, I am looking forward to going the whole nine yards for my little girl and getting one made, and she is very excited about this whole aspect to the occasion.

My mum is just presuming that it will go according to her plan, as she always does.

All my life she has been a dominant influence and makes it very hard to disagree, such is the force of her will.

My daughter is my key concern - she is a lovely little girl and not materialistic. We had planned this special dressmaking event as another element to the spirituality of the occasion, so I want to honour this but not lock horns with my mother. Any advice?

Your mother's gesture sounds sweet and thoughtful, and presenting your daughter with your old dress is a lovely sentimental thing to do. I think you're being a little bit unfair on her to suggest that she's only doing it to try to dominate you and change your plans.

She obviously thought she would be saving you cash and that you'd be touched by the fact that she kept the dress in such good condition for all those years.

If I were you, I would definitely reconsider getting a new dress made and let your daughter try on your old dress to see what she thinks of it.

Explain to her that her grandmother surprised you both with the dress and it would be lovely for her to continue the tradition and wear it on her big day.

Of course, don't force her if she doesn't want to wear it and if you don't want her to either. But it would make the day even more special, and your mum would be delighted too.

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