herald

Friday 18 April 2014

My Drunk boyfriend insulted my family

Q My boyfriend got drunk at my family Christmas dinner and told my mum she would be gorgeous if only she could lose a couple of stone. He accused my dad of putting a dent in the side of his car as my dad is just one of life's bad drivers, which he says is down to him being left-handed.

My boyfriend told my younger sister that she wears far too much make-up and jeered at my brother and his wife when they said they were going on a sun holiday this month as apparently only 'plebs' take sun holidays in winter. It was hideous and everyone ganged up on him and I had to take him back to our apartment.

He swears it was his nerves getting to him and that he should never have drunk so much and didn't really mean all the things he said. None of my family is interested in his grovelling apology.

A It's really unfortunate that this had to happen but the damage is done now and it's time to work on making amends. You have found yourself in the difficult position of middleman, and it will surely test your skills as a mediator.

I would advise you to request a family meeting and apologise profusely on your boyfriend's behalf, explaining that too much alcohol was had and he is extremely sorry for hurting their feelings. Following that I would suggest that your boyfriend writes apology letters to all family members involved, and, if he can afford to, arrange for bunches of flowers to be sent to them. It must be cleared up as soon as possible to avoid grudges being held indefinitely.

Q My New Year's resolution is the same as it has been for the past four years and ever since we started fertility treatment -- to have a baby. It feels like the world is full of babies and happy parents, and there is a huge glass wall keeping us on the other side of this happiness.

We're in our mid-30s and people keep saying we have plenty of time but this just makes me feel 10 times worse. I've always wanted to experience being pregnant, and feel my real life is on hold -- my life as a mum.

I'm struggling to stay positive in a world full of happy babies and smiling mums.

A I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make your wish come true, but sadly life is not that simple. The best advice I can possibly give you is to keep on persevering and try your best to stay positive. I can appreciate how devastating it must be to have to see other happy families in everyday life, but I strongly advise you to continue to explore every possible avenue to conceive and keep healthy, strong and fit to give yourself the best chance.

It's also important to focus on all the freedom and opportunities that come with being childless. Aim to keep your mindset optimistic, ensure you and your husband continue to support each other, and don't give up hope.

QI am on a diet and really would appreciate any tips you can give me on resisting temptation. I just love food, and find preparing food, cooking and eating, just about the most pleasurable thing in life. It's why at age 21, I'm a good size 16. But not for much longer!

I'm determined to lose some weight, but while I start off each day with great intentions, by the time the afternoon comes around I am thinking of pasta with chicken and chorizo in a creamy red pepper sauce, and all my willpower starts to go out the window. Please help me get thin!

AThere is unfortunately no instant solution to getting the body of your dreams and maintaining it, but your focus should be on changing your whole lifestyle at a pace that best suits you.

This means developing a way of healthy eating which you can maintain in the long-term, incorporating at least 30 minutes of aerobic and resistance exercise five to six times a week, drinking sufficient amounts of water and working on finding hobbies and interests that don't involve eating or drinking.

I strongly advise that you work on eliminating or greatly reducing dairy, wheat products, red meat, sugar, excess salt, alcohol and caffeine. Try to focus on filling up on leafy greens, and a wide array of colourful fruit and vegetables.

Rather than entirely avoiding fats, try a handful of nuts and seeds every day, plus a little avocado. Try to stay positive and motivated and to make these changes at your own pace. Good luck!

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