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Monday 23 October 2017

Mums the world: The different types of Irish Mammy

Brendan O'Carroll
Brendan O'Carroll

Are you as excited as I am about Sunday?

Ah yes – that special day each year when we celebrate the anniversary of Julius Caesar being stabbed to death by a gang of men who were overly fond of togas, laurel wreaths and lengthy soliloquys. And stabbing.

But Sunday is also Mother’s Day, my editor has just reminded me, and that’s a special time too. It’s when we can show appreciation for those wonderful women who carried us in the womb, brought us into this world and made us sit at the table for four hours until we finally managed to finish that congealing rice pudding, despite the strenuous protestations of our taste-buds and stomachs.

It’s important on Mother’s Day to show that you care – but how well do you really know your mammy? Follow our patented Guide to Dublin Mothers and avoid any unpleasantness this weekend:

 

The city Ma

Number of children: A fair few

Parenting style: loving and warm-hearted – but not averse to whipping out the wooden spoon if required

Typical kids’ names: Troy, Anthony, Rhianna, Kaylee

Loves: Brendan O’Carroll

Hates: snobs. Anyone "getting above their station". 

What to get her: what else? Brendan O’Carroll box-set

 

The not-quite-inner-city Mammy

Number of children: 3-4

Parenting style: tough but fair. More tough than fair, to be honest

Typical kids’ names: Mark, Dean, Louise, Shannon

Loves: Man United

Hates: the Irish language “coz it was beaten into me”

What to get her: Sky Sports subscription

 

The southside Mom

Number of children: 2.4

Parenting style: Muddled - at best. She has read literally every book on parenting that has been published and applied every lesson therein, exhausting herself and confusing her children

Typical kids’ names: Uisneach, Seoide, Ríoghnach, Neamhspláchas

Loves: organic everything

Hates: trying to find parking during the ritual Saturday expedition to Dundrum Town Centre

What to get her: weekend place at Catherine Fulvio’s cookery school

 

The blow-in culchie Mam

Number of children: 3 (the last one wasn’t planned)

Parenting style: affectionate, enthusiastic, scatter-brained, lots of nervous tension

Typical kids’ names: Sean, Joseph, Una, Katie

Loves: things that remind her of home because she secretly hates Dublin

Hates: how much they paid for the house

What to get her: season ticket for her county’s GAA team

 

The posh Anglo-Irish Mummy

Number of children: 2 (one boy, one girl, precisely as these things should be done)

Parenting style: distant, aloof, rather like a governess in a Brontë novel (it’s for their own good)

Typical kids’ names: Sarah, George, William, Victoria, Hugo

Loves: the English educational system

Hates: the creeping mould in their elegant-but-rapidly-disintegrating mansion

What to get her: trip to Ascot. Cheltenham is far too common after all

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