herald

Monday 25 September 2017

Some diet facts you should know

1Fizzy drinks are like crack cocaine without the weight-loss benefits. They have no place in the fridge. Not even the diet ones which are also filthy and disgusting and make your breath stink. Do everyone a favour and give them up. The only fizzy drink you should ever consider consuming is water. And Champagne.

2 Sweets are for children and have no place in an adult's life. Grow up. Give them up.

3 No more snacking on convenience foods such as cheese and crackers and chipper chips.

4 No more snacking on crisps, cakes and biscuits -- in case you need more reminding.

5 Pastry is dangerous. Delicious and dangerous. I feel strongly about this, partly because it seemed to be an essential part of my pregnancy needs and wow did it pile on the pounds. Remind yourself that pastry is basically buttery; totally delicious, flaky buttery heaven. Anything that tastes that good is going to be bad for you. If you do cave in and eat it be sure to enjoy a punishing run that day and tell yourself over and over again and in no uncertain terms that you are indeed a Fat Bitch.

6 Fast food . . . yes, it can be yummy, but there's no easier way to pile on the pounds.

7 Takeaways. Not only are they incredibly fattening and nutritionally redundant, they encourage the sort of couch potato-living that you are trying to reject.

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