Behrendt says he got the idea for the book after watching an episode of Sex and the City. Miranda asks Carrie's boyfriend Berger to analyse the post-date behaviour of a man.
Because the man had declined Miranda's invitation to come up to her apartment after a date, Berger concludes that: "He's just not that into you," adding that, "when a guy's really into you, he's coming upstairs."
The book aims to tell it like it is from a man's point of view. Don't wait to see the movie, starring Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore, to take Behrendt's advice.
1. He's just not that inot you if he's not asking you out.
If a man is excited about awoman, he can’t stop himself— he wants more. Ifhe’s friends with someoneand attracted to her, he’sgoing to want to take it further.
If he’s not making a move,it’s not because he is ‘scared’. Theonly thing he is scared of is hownot attracted to you he is.
2. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you.
He says he didn’t have a moment in his busy day to call.Rubbish! The real reason is that you are noton his mind. If a man leads you to expect he will call and then doesn’t follow through on such a little thing, he will never follow through on big things.
Be aware he is okay with the idea he is disappointing you.
4.He’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you.
A guy who is really into you is going to want you all to himself.He is going to ask you on a date. He is going to want to be alone with you to see if you have a romantic future together.
5. He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you.
Cheating doesn't just 'happen'. It's planned and executed with the full knowledge that it could end your relationship. If he's sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who isn't into you, he is behaving like a man who doesn't even like you all that much.
6. He’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk.
Having a drink may help you relax on a first date, but don’t confuse an ice breaker with real intimacy. If he only wants to see you, talk to you and have sex with you when he’s drunk, it ain’t love — it’s sport.
7.He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you.
Every man you have dated who says he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has ‘issues’ with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be to you.
8.He’s just not that into you if he’s breaking up with you.
What could be better than hearing from the man who broke up with you that he misses you madly? It’svalidating. It’s exciting. It’s irresistible. Yet resistit. Unless he’s ready to get back for good he’s simplyfinding it hard being alone.
9.He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you.
When a man disappears there’s no mixed message. He’s made it clear that he’s so not into you, that he couldn’t even bother to leave you a Post-it.
Don’t make contact — he’s not in hospital with amnesia! — it will only give him a chance to reject you all over again.
10.He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other insane variations for being unavailable).
No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them, these feelings mean nothing.
He's Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, published by Harper, price approximately €8.99