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Saturday 1 November 2014

Get naughty with my Victoria sponge

JUST three of us went for our annual getaway weekend to Wexford. Patsy stayed behind because, since she got wed, she can't bear to leave Jose to his own devices.

"He'd be lost without me," she said. Jose swore blind he wouldn't and we believed him, but Patsy knew best. "I've bought the box set of The Forsyte Saga so we are going to spend the whole weekend watching it."

Jose gave us a look that said he would rather have his eyes pecked out.



Porker

So the rest of us tootled off to Wexford for a weekend of walking, food and wine and, as usual, Josie and I learned some interesting things that we never knew before.

This time it was courtesy of Maggie and the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Yes, she has finally made it to book number three.

"Has it made any difference to your love life?" I asked her.

"Not really," she replied. "He still snores like a porker with asthma." I wasn't sure what to make of that so we moved swiftly on.

"I believe the sale of sex toys has gone through the roof on the back of this book," said Josie. "Oh yes," replied Maggie. "The inner goddess silver balls are top of the list." Indeed they are. Lovehoney.co.uk is a website that has teamed up with the author E.L. James to produce Fifty Shades of Grey, The Official Pleasure Selection, which cashes in on the success of the book.

The top 10 selling products in the Pleasure Selection are: 1. Inner Goddess Silver Balls. 2. You Are Mine Metal Handcuffs. 3. Insatiable Desire Mini G-Spot Vibrator. 4. Please, Sir Flogger. (Is it just me or did someone put the comma in the wrong place in that one?). 5. Yours and Mine Vibrating Love Ring. 6. No Peeking Soft Twin Blindfold. 7. We Aim to Please Vibrating Bullet. 8. Charlie Tango Classic Vibrator. 9. Tease Feather Tickler. 10. Delicious Pleasure Silicone Pleasure Balls.

To give you a flavour of what's on offer; the website describes the Goddess Silver Balls as "ideal for those in need of a new toning challenge with added satisfaction".



Paddles

"Toning what?" asked Josie. Maggie pointed discreetly to her nether regions and Josie blushed all the way down to hers.

To celebrate the launch of the Pleasure Selection, EL James has signed a set of Spanking Paddles which can be won by submitting your details on the website.

The paddles are in black and white and look remarkably like the spatulas I use to fold my Victoria sponge cakes.

"In fairness, your sponge cakes are so hard you could probably use them as spanking paddles," said Maggie.

Huh.

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