herald

Saturday 21 October 2017

The secret life of Jedward

Sunday

Hi, I'm John -- and I'm Edward -- and we're going to, like, tell you all about our week to tie in with our official biography, Our Story.

Monday

To all the haters out there: even though we're only 19, from when we were babies we knew that we were going to be, like, famous. We may not have invented the quiff, but we own it now.

Tuesday

We see that Wagner is being called 'the new Jedward'. WTF? There is only one Jedward -- well, two, if you want to be technical about it. Maybe we need to get a pet lion. That'd be totally cool.

Wednesday

We're due on the radio tomorrow so we've been practising what we're going to, like, say?

Basically, we're just going to be really loud and energetic and hope that we're not asked to sing.

Thursday

The interviewer -- can't remember his name. Or was it a woman? -- asked us about our, like, childhood.

We said it was great and then asked if he was ready to party and Edward did a back flip.

Friday

Another interview -- this time for the paper. The journalist wanted to know why we brought out our book.

Like, what a stupid question? Isn't it obvious, we said, we're thinking of going into politics.

Saturday

Book signing in Eason. We're hoping there won't be haters protesting like when that Tony Blair dude did his signing.

We know we're controversial, but that's part of our charm.

. . . or at least that's how it would be if we were John and Edward Grimes

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