herald

Friday 22 September 2017

Spot Yourself

Boundaries are necessary to emotional and mental health. As Anne Katherine states in her book, they give us the "wonderful assurance that comes from knowing we can and will protect ourselves from the ignorance, meanness or thoughtlessness of others". According to author Nina Brown, there are four types of boundaries that people can claim: where do you fall on the continuum of limit setting?

>SOFT This is the 'doormat' end of the spectrum. If your boundaries are soft, people find you easy to manipulate, and your needs tend to subjugate to the needs of others.

>SPONGY There is no middle ground here, and boundaries are either soft or rigid. This comes from acute lack of security in one's own instincts, as the person with spongy boundaries never knows whom to trust.

>RIGID People with rigid boundaries let no one get close physically or emotionally, and these have been constructed based on past, bad experiences. There is no room for growth.

>FLEXIBLE These boundaries have more in common with the rigid sort than the first two, but the person is open-minded and is in confident control of who they allow, or don't allow in their lives.

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