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Sunday 23 November 2014

Dear Rosanna: Rebound guy won't let me be...

Q I rebounded with a guy in the office after being dumped by the love of my life and now he won't accept that he was just temporary and it's all over.

He regularly leaves a red rose on my desk and emails me love poems, and he also brings me a hot chocolate drink every afternoon and follows me to the coffee area and tells me stupid jokes. He hasn't changed his relationship status online -- even though we broke up weeks ago.

I lost it with him and called him a pest and he started to cry really loudly and people came over to see what was wrong. He's going around the office acting broken-hearted. What's a girl to do?

A It certainly sounds as if you have unfortunately landed yourself with a rather needy individual who refuses to accept that he doesn't have a future with you. While I'm sorry to hear that you have lost the love of your life and rebound relationships are a fairly normal next step to help ease the pain, it's never fair on the other person.

He probably didn't realise that you only viewed him as a temporary distraction and he's finding it difficult to accept that you're just not interested. However, his public crying at work and determination to woo you back are a little extreme.

I strongly advise that you arrange to meet him privately and be totally honest with him. Explain that he was a rebound fling and that you're terribly sorry for leading him on. Just make sure he knows that he'll never get you back, then you both need to move on.

Q A good friend of mine has left me really upset by attacking me when I told her to stop playing the victim and to instead be grateful for the wonderful things she has in her life. She gives out constantly about the people she feels are letting her down and how life is always throwing problems her way. Her life isn't that bad at all, she just moans non-stop about it.

She turned on me and told me I would be better employed sorting out my own life as I was a loser rather than commenting on how she runs hers. Granted, I haven't had much luck in recent years, but I don't think I deserved that. Why was she so mean do you think? Is this old friendship worth salvaging, seeing as how she hasn't even rung up to apologise?

A Your friend is obviously going through a tough time at the moment, and is choosing to focus on her bad luck rather than her good fortune. I agree with you for pointing out that her life is not all that bad, because sometimes an outside perspective is a great way of looking at all the positive things in your life.

Nobody appreciates somebody who moans all the time, and sometimes they need to be told. A negative attitude will never bring positivity and happiness.

I don't think she was right to snap at you and she is obviously being stubborn by refusing to apologise. Contact her again in a few weeks and meet up. Clear the air -- you both need to be grown-up about it.

Q My fiance's office Christmas party is coming up and it's a bring-a-partner affair. He has put me on a diet. He has told me to 'downsize the belly' and wants to come shopping with me when I choose something to wear.

Should I just humour him or tell him to grow up?

A I think it's inappropriate of him to push you into losing weight and changing your image. However, if he is also acting out of concern for you, then I would have to agree with him.

Either way, I would advise you to firmly let him know that you will lose a bit of weight and look after your health because you want to and not because he wants you to.

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