Friday 28 October 2016

Dear Rosanna: 'I was a player until my wife tamed me but now she doesn't want sex'

Rosanna Davison
Rosanna Davison

A man whose wife has lost interest in sex, being teased in school and body issues

Q: I’ve been married for two years now and my wife makes every excuse going for not having sex — it feels like some kind of cruel joke as I was a complete player before I met her but right from that first conversation we had, I finally knew what it felt like to fall in love with someone.

After that we had a fast-track romance because we were so in love — it felt like being on drugs and the sex was fantastic.

My friends and family were so happy for me as they had begun to think that I was going to be a messer for life but my wife actually made me want to be a good, decent and loyal man.

But as soon as we got married she slowly but surely lost interest in that sense of ‘we’ that I had only really discovered.

We were expecting our first child on our wedding day so I have taken all of this in my stride, making allowances for the pregnancy, but with every passing day it becomes clear to me that she does not feel the same way about me as I do about her and I haven’t a clue what to do or say to her.


A: This is a tricky situation for any couple to be in, when there’s a big imbalance between what both people want from the relationship.

If every other aspect of your marriage is good, then the likelihood is that your wife has lost interest because she’s tired, too busy or doesn’t feel as confident after giving birth.

It’s very rare for a relationship to continue at the pace it was during the initial honeymoon phase, and  the physical element will be the first to suffer as you become more settled into it.

My advice is to gently speak to her. Be as kind and as encouraging as possible, explaining that you would love to reignite the spark in the bedroom.

Ask her if there’s anything you can do to help build her confidence, and even suggest booking a romantic weekend away with her to help build up that passion again.


Q: I get teased at school for not being sporty but I’m just not into it. The school is really focused on rugby in particular and my dad went there and he was a total natural, as is my big brother, so there were a lot of expectations on me.

I’m really into computers and that kind of geeky stuff but I keep getting put down for being a loser on the pitch — I just want to be left alone to get on with the stuff I am good at but parents and teachers seem unwilling to do this.

They can all see how unhappy the situation is making me and say that they are listening to what I say when we talk but what they are actually doing is nodding while all the time assuming they know what’s best for me and that I will ‘come around’ and be grateful that they didn’t give up on me in the sports arena.

A: Everybody has their own individual and unique skills in life, and the fact that you’re more into technology then sport shouldn’t make a difference to anybody.

It doesn’t make you any less of a person than your dad, brother or peers and you will probably enjoy great success in life if you work hard at developing your talents.

If I were you, I would pay little to no attention to anybody who tries to put you down and continue to do what makes you happy.

Life is too short and too precious to be what others want you to be. Stay strong and always be true to yourself.

And given that you feel like your parents and teachers aren’t hearing what you are saying, then continue to show them the real you through your actions.


Q: My friend can eat what she likes and never put on a pound but I only have to look at food to gain weight.

We share a house and it’s so hard to stay on track with my diet when she’s eating Pringles every night in front of me.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being jealous of her natural slimness but it’s not her fault and I accept that we are all made differently but I really want to lose weight for my holiday in August so I have four weeks to stay on track and lose some weight.

Ultimately, I need to find a size and way of eating that will suit me and I need to improve my self-image so I stop comparing myself to my pal — but the holiday, and enjoying it, is my number-one concern right now.


A: We’re all metabolically different, and unfortunately some people can eat more than others without gaining anything.

Yes, it seems terribly unfair! I can understand how difficult it must be for you to resist the fattening snacks that your housemate is able to eat, but there’s temptation everywhere in life and the key to reach and maintain a certain size and shape is to train yourself to resist it.

Try to focus hard on your own health and fitness, and visualise what you want to look like on the beach in your bikini on holiday.

Realise that feeling happy, healthy and really good about yourself is worth way more than a few seconds of enjoying eating a crisp.

Another good tip is to always be well stocked up with your own healthy snacks, such as nuts and seeds, healthy homemade smoothies and berries.

Have these ready for when the munchies hit and it will help you to keep on track.

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