herald

Wednesday 30 July 2014

Dear Rosanna

Q. WE went to a Halloween party and I dressed up as Lady Gaga and my boyfriend went as Katy Perry.

I had expected him to go as Spider-Man or Batman or even as one of the butlers from Downton Abbey. He got his whole costume himself, the wig and make-up and stockings and lip stick and fake boobs, and surprised me by transforming himself.

He is a pretty boy and has high cheekbones and lovely eyes. Everyone at the party said how good he was as Katy Perry. He seemed to really enjoy himself, too, and it was like a whole new side of him had been released. Do you think I've anything to worry about?

A. I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. He's with you for a reason! Many guys love to dress up as women for the fun of it, and because it allows them to express a different side to their personalities. It's the novelty factor of being allowed to wear make-up, heels and dress for the night that appeals the most.

If he really did have a fetish for it, then he would possibly dress up in the privacy of his own home. It's wonderful that he has the confidence to dress up convincingly as Katy Perry, and it makes a refreshing change from the generic costumes we're used to men wearing at Halloween. So my advice is to stop worrying and enjoy the fun and his sense of humour.

Q. I'm torn between the guy I've been with for seven months and an ex-boyfriend from three years ago, who said that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. I want to believe him, as I was mad about him and he treated me badly and the fact he's suffering feels like sweet justice. On the other hand, he was a horrible flirt and a cheat and I'm worried that he simply wants me back for the ego trip and will dump me again anyway. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm tempted because he was best lover I ever had and the chemistry between us was hot. I'm desperately trying to convince myself that sticking with my sweet, kind boyfriend is the best decision, but my strength is slipping.

A. I think you know deep down which is the correct decision for you. You may be sorely tempted by the allure of great sex and exciting chemistry with your ex-boyfriend, but you are already anticipating the disastrous consequences that surely await you if you go back there.

He wants you back, whether it be for a fling or something more serious, and he is using every technique he knows to convince you. Rather than thinking of yourself, take a moment to consider how hurt and distraught your current boyfriend would be if you betrayed him so badly. It is simply not worth the hurt, drama and upset that it would certainly cause.

I strongly advise you to break all contact with your ex-boyfriend and make sure he knows that you will not be taking him back. Then take some time to focus on your relationship, and the ways in which you can make it more exciting.

Q. Please advise me on what is the best way to break it to people that I will not be buying any Christmas gifts this year? I know it's a bit early to be bringing up the dreaded 'C' word, but this is really weighing on my mind. I've returned to full-time study to increase my chance of moving up the career ladder, and my only income comes from part-time work.

Most people in my group are doing pretty well financially in spite of how hard things are, and they still tend to splash out when shopping for pressies.

A. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling financially, but you're certainly not alone. There are plenty of people facing a similar situation this festive season. I totally understand that you don't want to let down your loved ones with no presents, but there are ways around this conundrum.

I suggest that you get creative and make them some home-made presents.

They're sure to appreciate the time, effort and sentimentality. You could buy some inexpensive art materials to make cards, and bake a batch of Christmas gingerbread cookies or make chocolate truffles and put them in pretty organza bags.

There are plenty of tips online, so get your imagination going. Your loved ones will appreciate the gifts.

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