herald

Tuesday 17 October 2017

Coffee Morning Whispers: Surveys on women lack backbone

We now have to worry about the angle of our spines
We now have to worry about the angle of our spines

I WAS waiting for Patsy in the coffee shop when I got a call from Maggie.

Her son had stitches in his head after a GAA injury and she wanted to know, if she brought him over to me, would I take them out. (The answer, by the way, was no.)

I was still reeling from that conversation when Patsy walked into the coffee shop. I couldn't help but notice that her gait had changed somewhat.

Her shoulders, normally a little droopy, were thrown back as if she were tied to masthead of the Titanic.

This had the effect of pushing her stomach forward and leaving her bum sticking out more than usual. She reminded me of the S-bend on the loo.

I wondered was she on drugs. After all, just for that particular day, they were perfectly legal.

For all I knew she could have had ketamine on her cornflakes and was about to pop a tab with her coffee.

"Are you on drugs?" I asked her as she sat down at the table.

She thought about it for a second before she confirmed she wasn't. The hesitation was a little disturbing but I put it down to a menopausal brain freeze.

TWANG

It turned out she had been shifting her bed to give the cat more room (!) when something went twang in her back.

She will recover but it did get us to talking about yet another one of those ridiculous surveys involving women that came out last week.

Scientists in the University of Texas showed silhouettes of women with different spine curves to a hundred men and asked them to select which one they preferred.

I'm sure, like me, you are wondering just why? Well, I'm still wondering.

Anyway, the majority of men opted for the silhouette that had a 45 degree spine curvature where the base of the spine meets the top of the backside.

So now, on top of every thing else that women are told they should worry about in the relentless search for the partner of their dreams, such as sweaty armpits, hairy chins and nellies big enough to hold our loose change, we now have to worry about the angle of our spine. For gawds sake, lads, would ya ever give us a break?

The boffins in Texas believe that the reason they think men prefer this particular angle of the spine goes back to evolution.

Apparently, somewhere along the way men decided they preferred their women upright (as opposed to dragging their knuckles on the ground, I presume) and preferred them even more if they were pregnant as a distended stomach causes that 45 degree curvature.

Three words.

So. Bleedin'. What.

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