Wednesday 26 October 2016

Coffee Morning Whispers: Frizzly hair can actually make you feel a bit ratty

Kate Middleton
Kate Middleton

It's not all fun and laughter with us, you know. Sometimes, we actually get down and dirty with current affairs and political matters.

"Greece!" Patsy shouted in the dressing room. I put my head behind the curtain. She was embroiled in a fistfight with a big frock that wouldn't zip up.

"Do you need a bail out?" I asked, as I helped remove the garment from her burly shoulders.

I often think she's missed her vocation as a cage fighter.

"What are you yakking about?" she demanded.

I told her how I thought I heard her say the word 'Greece'.

"I did, as in 'grease' to get me out of this effin' dress."

By now she was sweating like a frog in a French restaurant and her hair was starting to frizz.

"Did you know you can use Botox for excessive sweating and also to straighten your hair?" I said, which only made her paw the ground like an agitated bull.

Anyway, it was revealed last week that women in the UK are not only using Botox to prevent excessive sweating in the soaring temperatures but are also using it to try and emulate the glossy locks of one Kate Middleton/ Windsor (pictured).

To do this they are, I kid you not, injecting Botox into the scalp to block nerve impulses to individual sweat glands.

Dr David Eccleston, Clinical Director of Medizen clinic in Birmingham says, "When used in the scalp sweating is reduced, thus reducing the tendency of straightened hair to return to its curly state. Arguably, this could prolong the effect of a straightening treatment."

I'm certain he is very eminent in his profession, and all that, but surely there are better things to be doing with rat poison then injecting it into someone's head just to straighten their hair. How about poisoning actual rats with it?


Dr Carolyn Berry, Medical Director of Firvale Clinic in Southampton, sort of agrees with me.

She says she has noticed a big upswing in the amount of women undergoing the £250 treatment and it's all because they want to have hair like the aforementioned Duchess.

"I am not happy using Botox to prolong a blow dry and give patients the Duchess of Cambridge hair.

"I counsel them about excessive use of Botox, because a lot of them are already having it for facial lines.

"Kate's hair always looks beautiful, but let's not forget she has a personal hairstylist to keep her looking this way."

Meanwhile, Patsy was back in the dressing room, battering herself into another frock and swearing like a truck driver at a toll booth.

Perhaps, I'm wrong. Maybe she is a candidate for the rat poison after all…

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