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Saturday 10 December 2016

Coffee Morning Whispers: Back to basics as thongs lose their grip

Bridget Jones
Bridget Jones

There is a sentiment among the fashionistas that if you wait long enough, certain items in your wardrobe will come into fashion again. Of course, the opposite applies: if you wait long enough, some of it will go out of fashion and, hopefully, stay there. Forever.

I've long hoped for the latter when it comes to certain items of underwear, and lo, it has come to pass that women are now eschewing thongs and lacy knickers in favour of big, comfy pants.

These are the type of pants that are so big they can be pulled over your head in the event of a rain shower. The type of pants where the gusset is thicker than a slice of batch bread. The type of pants… oh, you get my drift.

A study carried out by NPD Group, an American market-research company, has revealed that the sale of thongs decreased by 7pc last year, while sales of granny knickers has grown by 17pc.

"Within millennial and Generation-Y consumer groups (whoever they are, bless their sensible little hearts), it's considered cool to be wearing full-bottom underwear," said Bernadette Kissane, an apparel analyst (believe it or not, there is such a thing) told the New York Times.

The girls were disappointed, particularly Maggie, who has long been an aficionado of said thongs, even though a couple of them have been nearly swallowed whole by her not-so-pert buttocks.

I remember standing behind her in a communal dressing room years ago when she bent over to try on trousers. She was wearing a thong, but such was the size of her bottom, I wasn't exactly sure where the thong began and ended. It is only because she is my friend that I felt fit to remind her of this.

She batted away my concerns. "I have never had a wedgie. They really are the most comfortable item ever."

We can only surmise that she is numb from the waist down.

"I can't believe the lacy knickers are also going out of fashion as well," Patsy said.

I can. These knickers are second only to the dreaded thongs when it comes to being uncomfortable. I wore a pair of French lace drawers on my wedding day, thinking they were the epitome of classy. They did look lovely but, jaysus, did they chafe. It was all I could do not to scratch myself on the altar.

After the ceremony, I bribed Maggie to go home and get me a pair of mumsy pants that came up to my armpits.

When my new husband saw them later on that night, he declared I looked 'divine'.

Twenty seven years later, he uses a different word altogether…

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