herald

Monday 1 September 2014

Ask Rosanna: My new guy sleeps around

Q I've found myself in a horrible situation as a result of falling for the wrong guy in work. We went out on six or seven dates outside of drinking with the crowd in the pub on Fridays, and he was fun and I was keen on him. I overheard one of the other girls discussing him in the Ladies and realised he was also sleeping with her. I confronted him and he said he'd never said we were exclusive. I was gutted, but feel worse ever since another girl in work told me that everyone knew he was sleeping with the two of us. I trusted him and feel so used. I'm also worried everyone thinks I went out with him knowing he was also with the other girl.

A The most important thing to realise here is that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You embarked on a relationship with this man in the best possible faith, and while you didn't formally agree on whether it would be exclusive or not, it possibly didn't cross your mind that this would ever happen.

I understand how humiliating it must have been for you to have discovered the truth of his behaviour from another woman in work, but the best advice I can give you is to take this as a lesson learnt and to try not to worry what other people think. This is your personal life, and nobody else's business.

Plus, it's the man who should feel most ashamed of his promiscuity. Next time you get into a relationship, it would be worth agreeing on the terms of it early on to avoid such a situation arising again.

QI'm getting married next month to the best guy in the world, and for the past 18 months I've been organising the perfect wedding and honeymoon. I've also spent a lot of time stressed out. When the photographer rang to cancel because he was in a car accident, I burst out crying and couldn't stop and in the end he hung up on me.

I also lost it with my best friend and chief bridesmaid over the flowers. I stormed off over a pink gerbera, for God's sake.

Things are now under control, I think. I'm not usually someone who lets things get on top of me. My fiance has commented on how cranky I am. I've always had myself down as being a capable woman, so why is the happiest day of my life turning me into such a cry baby?

ACongratulations on your wedding and I wish you every happiness together, but it sounds like you're in danger of burning yourself out before you've even walked down the aisle! It's not at all unusual for brides-to-be to invest so much time and energy into their ideal wedding, that they become obsessive about everything being done their way. Even the most cool and calm customers can find themselves a stressed-out mess. But it's really not worth the tension with friends and family.

This is just one day, and while you want it to be the happiest of your life, it will be so much more enjoyable if you can relax enough to really make the most of it. My advice is to apologise to your best friend and fiance for your unreasonable behaviour, and make a pact with yourself to stress less.

Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation or even regular moments of quiet time could really help you.

QHow can I get my boyfriend to get a hobby? He has no interest in sports or music or any of the passions which seem to absorb his friends. If left to his own devices he'll slob in front of the telly. But what's worse is when he starts following me around. He was so bored on Saturday he came to the hairdressers with me when I was getting my highlights done. Any ideas on how I can get him to broaden his interests, and not be such a tag-along?

AIn my personal experience, relationships are the most engaging and fulfilling when each partner has their own lives and interests. It lends diversity and something to talk about together. Plus it really helps to build mutual respect and support when you can encourage each other along.

So I can understand how frustrated you must feel when you're boyfriend tags along with you.

You may also be starting to lose respect for him or interest in being with him. It's essential that you urge him to join a sports club or find a new interest that has nothing to do with you. Raise the topic with him and gently explain that it would be great for you to have separate interests. Be kind and encouraging to him and let him realise the benefits for himself.

You can have fun together coming up with ideas, and ensure his friends get involved in helping him to pick a new hobby that he'll stick with.

Opinion

Entertainment News