herald

Tuesday 21 October 2014

Ask Rosanna: He hates my 'porn pout'

Q I HAD collagen injected into my lips and was really happy with the results when I left the clinic. My lips were a lot fuller than they are naturally. The friend who came with me described them as plump 'bee-stung' lips.

I couldn't wait to get home to show my boyfriend and felt really sexy. He went ballistic and shouted that I had a 'porn pout' and was an embarrassment and that I shouldn't go out. That was two weeks ago and he hasn't changed his mind. He insisted we sit in with takeaways the last couple of weekends. My new lips are expected to last at least three months. Do you think there's anything I can say to him to convince him that big lips are all right?

A Once you're happy with how you look, then that's all that really matters. Your boyfriend is allowed to voice his opinion, but to insist for you to stay in every weekend is extreme and shows how much he is trying to control you. You need to explain to him that you're happy with your new look and it's a time that you could do with his support rather than him squashing your self-confidence. If the collagen lasts for three months, then you're both going to have to come to terms with your new look. I recommend you investigate ways to tone down your lips when you're out with your boyfriend by using make-up to highlight your other features, and avoid bright colours or glosses on your lips. The size of them may also settle down, but it's going to be a process of acceptance from him. Don't let him bully you.

Q My boy-friend of five years won't marry me. Yet the minute one of his friends gets engaged he's in there like a mad man running around popping champagne and organising parties. He's been best man to his friends three times in the past year. Also, he is always very complimentary when it comes to their brides and says how gorgeous they look. Any time I say I want to be a bride he gets in a mood. He goes away with his friends but always says couple holidays are stupid as we see each other all the time. I'm an optimistic person by nature, and have convinced myself that he will eventually see the light and get down on one knee. Yet when I told him I was very hurt that he hadn't proposed, he told me I needed to become more independent.

A It's clear from what you're telling me that your boyfriend enjoys the whole process and celebration of weddings and engagements. Yet he seems to be living vicariously through his friends and is avoiding having to face his own. You have been together for a long time, so it is reasonable for you to start talking about marriage. If all of his friends are settling down, then he will soon start to feel the pressure. At the moment, he may not have the finances for an engagement and wedding, or he may not feel that your relationship has reached that point yet. My advice is to stay patient and to stop comparing yourselves to others.

Q I'm in financial trouble after spending too much in the past month. I'm dreading the credit card bill arriving. I can't be accused of not trying as I'm reusing teabags four times, doing my washing without washing powder and bringing crackers with jam to work for lunch. I explained all this to a good friend who is loaded and I was sure she would bail me out with a loan until pay day. Instead she said she wasn't responsible for my finances and left it at that.

I've borrowed from my sister since, but have been left taken aback by my friend's coldness. She's always ringing me with her problems at all hours, so I didn't think a short-term loan would be a biggie.

A It sounds like you're doing everything in your power to deal with your financial situation, though it does sound a little extreme. The problem is that you expected your friend to help you by lending you money. But is that really fair on her? Her attitude is likely to be that she has worked hard for her cash and her lifestyle, and that others should do the same. And she's right. If those around you can find a way to manage, then so can you. Stay focused and aim to rely on nobody but yourself.

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