Ask Rosanna: 'An inappropriate message from a pal popped up on my boyfriend's phone...'
A dodgy text on a boyfriend's phone, giving up drink and facing a wedding and trying to lose weight
Q: Just looking for some advice please. A few weeks ago my boyfriend left his phone in the sitting room with me as he left for a few minutes.
His phone started vibrating and I just picked it up to check if it was ringing. Instead it was a text message from a mutual friend and from what I seen, the message was about me. It wasn't a completely nasty message but it was about me being selfish if I wouldn't go to a particular event, which my boyfriend had not even mentioned to me about going to.
The message showed up on the locked screen and I didn't go into his messages nor had I any intention but this just really upset me. I haven't said anything to anyone but do I have a right to feel pissed off?
It must have been quite a shock to see this message, and especially as you had no idea that you were invited to this event.
I'm sure there are plenty of unanswered questions filling up your thoughts, and for your own sake I feel that it's important to get to the bottom of what's going on. If I were you, I would arrange to meet up with this mutual friend for a casual coffee and ask them what's going on.
You needn't come across as annoyed at them and especially as details are limited, but I think that you need to explain to them that you have no knowledge of this event.
If it's the right moment, you could tell them that you saw their text message and felt very hurt. I always think it's best to be totally honest with facts in these situations, as it tends to get everything cleared up much faster with no misunderstandings.
Q: My cousin is getting married in a few weeks and I'm dreading it because I gave up drink a few months back and I know my family are going to be on my case to 'chill out and have a few'.
What they don't know is that I had to give up because booze had become a real problem for me.
Occasionally I found myself downing a shot or two of vodka before work, I even drove one night while I was tipsy and thank God nothing bad happened.
I finally found the strength to stop but I am fragile and as well as the temptation of being in a boozy social situation, I know the egging on from well meaning people is enough to have me on edge - and I'm afraid I will slip.
I have told no one about my issues and I don't intend to because I am so ashamed - but equally I am proud that I was able to stop by myself. I need a strategy to stay sober at the event. This is my first big test.
Firstly, a big congratulations for finding the strength and willpower to give up alcohol when it became more than just an occasional social aid for you.
You're extremely lucky that nothing came of your drink-driving, but I'm glad you realised what a huge and dangerous risk you took. I can totally understand why this upcoming wedding is filling you with anxiety; drink is usually such a big part of the celebrations.
You have decided to keep your problem drinking to yourself and that's your own personal decision, but it's important that you're firm with your family on the day and stay true to your decision.
If it's possible to drive to the wedding, then telling them that you're the designated driver will obviously stop any pressure. Or you could order a sparkling water with a slice of lemon to carry around with you for the day. It looks like a drink and will hopefully stop any questions from family and friends.
After a while people will hopefully stop questioning you and let you be. Stay strong and know that you're making the right decision for your health.
Q: I am trying to lose weight and everyone goes on about sugar and how it is the real issue rather than fat but I am confused about fruit.
Some pals who train in a gym say that it is on the cautionary list too but I thought that fruit would be my friend when it comes to snacking.
I know you're a nutritionist so can you tell me what the story with fruit is and if I can't snack on an apple what can I snack on.
Fruit is an amazing food for health and wellness as it's relatively low in calories and packed with fibre, water, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants for a better complexion and help fighting the ageing process. However, some people are less able to digest fruit and fructose than others, and a lot of that is dependant on your internal gut environment.
Having the right quantity of 'friendly' bacteria in your digestive tract is crucial to your digestion and absorption.
My advice is to stick to the fruits that are lower in sugar, such as green apples, grapefruit and all types of berries, and avoid grapes, bananas and tropical fruits which tend to be higher in fructose.
Aim for 2-3 portions a day and try to combine fruit with a source of fat and protein to slow down the rate it's absorbed. Try apple slices with almond butter or berries with a handful of nuts or seeds.
I would also suggest you take a daily probiotic capsule and strictly avoid fruit juice, as it's pure concentrated fructose and will play havoc with your blood sugar levels and weight loss attempts.