herald

Saturday 21 October 2017

Apart from sex he is the perfect man

qI am with my boyfriend for almost a year now and he's such a gorgeous man in every way. I adore him and love his company - except for his low sex drive.

He hardly ever initiates sex and I have learnt not to try to make the first move for fear of being fed any number of excuses as to why "now is not a good time".

We talked about it one night when we were drunk and he explained that sex was just not that big a deal to him - he says he finds me attractive and - this is the killer - on the small number of occasions that we do get it on the sex has been incredible.

He's asked me to marry him but I'd basically be signing up for a sexless existence - is this too high a price to pay for the perfect man?

aPeople vary greatly when it comes to individual attitudes towards sex and how often we should be getting down to business in the bedroom.

There is no real 'normal', and just because he's a man, shouldn't necessarily mean he's up for it all the time. He may naturally have lower levels of testosterone driving his sexual instincts, and that's who he is.

He obviously values affection and emotional intimacy above all else, and you're lucky in many respects for that. However, there may be other reasons for his lack of interest, such as stress at work or other worries.

So it's definitely worth gently asking him if there are any other reasons for his flailing interest.

You love this man deeply, so I really don't think it's worth losing him over, and you would most likely miss him and regret it because he has so many other positive qualities.

Look at ways of spicing up your sex life as that might help to perk up his interest again.

qA long time pal of mine has started excluding me from group invites with the girls we went to college with. She was always closer to them than I am and is the lynchpin between us all.

I thought the first drinks night I missed being asked out on was an accident, but from their facebook accounts it now seems that there have been four or five big nights out that I never knew about.

I feel so hurt but don't know if I should ask my main friend if I have done something wrong or ask one of the others?

aIt's important to trust your instincts, and in this case it certainly does sound like you're purposely being excluded from the group.

Can you think back to anything at all that you might have said or done to cause them to back away from you? It can sometimes be useful to know at least where to begin, even if you didn't actually do anything wrong.

Sometimes the smallest comment can escalate quickly and get passed around like Chinese whispers.

My advice is to ask them why you weren't involved in recent nights out. There's no point in side-stepping the matter and spending your time wondering. Ask them straight out and see who has the courage to be totally honest with you.

qMy husband told me that he is only staying with me for the sake of our two children, now young teenagers.

He says that as soon as our youngest goes off to college he is moving into an apartment. We don't row and things were fine until he dropped this bombshell on me two months ago, completely out of the blue.

He has subsequently refused to talk about it with me - he offered no reasons other than he feels trapped, that I trapped him by getting pregnant in the early days of our relationship.

He also says that his father was a terrible, miserable man who left his mam to raise the kids so he could drink himself to death.

My husband does not drink at all but he won't leave until the kids are raised properly in his eyes and then he just wants to be by himself. Should I get him to leave now so I can get on with my life?

aIt certainly does seem very strange that he's come out with his devastating revelation, and I understand why you would want to just separate and move on from him rather than wasting your life by waiting around for the inevitable.

From what he's said, it seems that he's bitter that he hasn't lived his life more or possibly travelled as much as he'd like to, and blames you for getting pregnant and preventing him.

He sounds rather immature and selfish, especially as he refuses to even speak to you about it.

But before you consider ending things, it's worth giving it another chance for the sake of your family. Do try to get through to him and even consider marriage counselling to make him realise that he would be losing a lot and single life isn't necessarily better.

Promoted articles

Entertainment News