Almost 5,000 people turned out to march in Dublin against the new Civil Partnership Bill last weekend.

They're unhappy because they say the proposed law will not go far enough.

It's quite unfashionable at the moment to be anything other than ultra-liberal, but Dermot Ahern has most likely struck exactly the right note, for the moment at least, in stopping the bill short of granting marriage rights to gay people. This is not a cool thing to say.

Many people, while of the "some of my best friends are gay" school of thought, and who consider themselves to be quite open about the whole question, have major reservations when it comes to family issues.

We have some excellent proponents in 'poster boy' homosexuals like Senator David Norris and Colm O Gorman, who is head of Amnesty.

Indeed, O Gorman in particular is an immensely impressive man to meet -- charismatic and powerful and is bringing up two children wonderfully with his gay partner, albeit they became the children's guardians through the tragic death of a female friend rather than, say, adopted from Vietnam or China, or created via a test tube.

strict

And therein lies the nub of the issue. It is one thing to have civil partnership, tax cohesion policies and rights-based property laws for same sex couples -- indeed, our laws are strict, even for heterosexual co-habiting couples, or sisters and brothers living together.

There's a whole raft of insurance policies that need to be taken out before property or money can be passed over on death to anyone other than a legal spouse.

Hospitals can't record 'next of kin' without a blood or marriage link -- all of this is unfair and rightly being addressed in the legislation, due to be debated in the Dail in September.

The pause-for-thought moment comes when we discuss families and what we believe constitutes one.

We are living with a plethora of definitions which have emerged in Ireland that only a couple of decades ago would have seemed unthinkable.

Many children in our classrooms come from 'blended' families -- they have step brothers and sisters, half siblings or just other kids they live with because their mammy is with someone else's daddy.

unfair

It seems outwardly unfair that we are okay for the most part with all that and yet baulk at a gay couple having a child.

It should have not one whit to do with religion by the way, and marriage here is strictly in the legal sense.

Anyone who has a religious problem with gay marriage solely on those grounds must presumably have similar objections to all the 'newer' types of families around also, and that simply puts us back in the 1950s.

The difference lies in our psyche not about, as the gay lobby would have us believe, what is 'normal', but how they believe a child would be treated by others, if they had two daddies or two mummies instead of one of each, or just one at all.

With full marriage rights comes full adoption rights, and that is the thornier issue, especially when it comes to gay men.

Lesbians have an easier course to follow if they choose to have a child -- all that is required is a sperm donation from a compliant male friend.

Many do this quietly and of their own volition without making a song and dance of it. In these cases their child is 'biological' and inherits all the rights of any child in the State.

Gay men cannot do the same, which is why this argument is really about them. When people look deep into their hearts, this is the bit that bothers them too, if they're honest.

Gays consider marriage to be a 'human right' as their posters proclaim -- but having children is not.

It is a gift, a responsibility and an enormous commitment. Nobody has the right to be a father or mother.

We have some way to go in our heads before we get there and this bill is a good first step.

Enough already, seems to be the mainstream view for the moment and Ahern has been cute enough to kick the emotive issue into touch -- citing Referendum issues.

Indeed, the apathy from the heterosexual population is his cue. 'Fairness' is a grey area and it is right we debate it. Marriage is black and white, children concrete and forever.

That should take a little longer.