Dear global warming gods, I've given up. From now on, I solemnly swear to recycle all my papers, re-use my cartons and never let another packet of plastic cutlery into the house.

Oh, and I'll do anything else that might convince you to quit messing around with the weather. It was all very laughable for a while. In fact, I was actually keen to accept a little more rain in exchange for a corresponding increase in the level of sunshine. Like moderate alcohol intake, I reckoned a little heating up of the earth was no bad thing. But it's gone too far this time.

For the past two months I haven't left the house without being armed with sunglasses, sunscreen, an umbrella, rain mac and woolly hat. And I generally find myself using at least four of the five within two hours. But the joke is over now. I want the old weather back. I liked our old quota of rain, not this constant deluge that sends our cars floating down flooded streets and ensures that getting poked in the eye with a golf umbrella is now a daily occurrence. Even my trusty GHDs have been put to sleep because my flattened hair only needs to sniff at the damp air before it springs back into a string of fuzzy curls.

Back in the olden days, we were ludicrously happy to moan about the rain. In fact, we delighted in exhibiting our soggy status to unsuspecting tourists. "Oh sure, it's terrible," we'd giggle, as if the weather was an unruly but desperately cute child. "Rains like the clappers each day," we'd boast. "Sure, it's no wonder we're so pale. Ha, ha, ha."

A few days in a Mediterranean hot spot was enough to turn us a very alarming shade of red before we returned home to enjoy the miniature summer heat wave that would eventually make a grand entrance. Not this year. It's the middle of August and I'm already on the hunt for heavy winter boots -- and it's not because I'm super organised. I just can't cope with waterlogged shoes as I squelch my way home each day.

It could be time to start listening to those pesky Green Party do-gooders and their incessant ramblings about global warming. Minister Gormley, just say the word and I'll do it. Just call off the rain. No more aerosols? Use less electricity? No problem. I'll collect our abundance of raindrops for an outdoor shower. I'll use boats and trains instead of planes. Although, considering this damned recession, it's unlikely I'll be going too far.

- AOIFE FINNERAN