herald

Saturday 21 October 2017

'Grand stretch in the evenings' - guide to our weather

STORMY WEATHER: Ireland's worst storms in early 2014 hit insurers' profits

Well, it seems like this awful weather has ended. That is, at least where I am, and at least for now.

But who knows? By the time I’ve finished typing this sentence, it could have changed again. It’s almost as if we live in a country with unpredictable weather patterns…

Yep, there it goes. Different once more.

I suppose it’s unsurprising, given our crazily capricious climate, that we’re so obsessed with it. The weather is among our favourite conversational topics – right up there with the Late Late and how it’s no good anymore, sports we’re currently pretending to be interested in, or the Government/banks/unions/powerful men in suits generally.

And it’s important to know exactly what to say, so as to hold your own in the merciless bear-pit that is the average Irish conversation. Simply use our cut-out-and-keep guide to typical things Dubliners say about the weather:

 

Spring

There’s a bit of a stretch in the evenings now.

Will this rain ever stop?

Good drying weather there today.

That wind would cut the head off you.

That weather is cat.

Soft day, thank God.

I’ve never seen the likes of that rain.

That’s it, I’m emigrating to Spain/Portugal/anywhere warm.

Close enough, for March.

Great weather for drinking pints.

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STORMY WEATHER: Ireland's worst storms in early 2014 hit insurers' profits

Summer

Will we get a summer at all?

The summer’s here now alright.

It’s nearly too hot.

You can’t beat an Irish sunset.

You’d nearly miss the bit of ould rain.

Ah, we’ve had the summer now.

It used to be much warmer when I was a kid.

That’s a grand day, now.

That’s a powerful day.

Great weather for drinking pints.

 

Autumn

You’d miss the bit of sun.

Lovely colours on the trees this time of year.

Short enough evenings now.

That’s a dirty-looking sky.

Make sure to wear a vest, it’s nippy enough today.

Sure we’d be giving out if it wasn’t raining.

That wind would go through you for a short-cut.

You wouldn’t put the dog out in that.

Great weather for drinking pints.

 

Winter

Bleedin’ freeeezin’, I am.

That’s pure Arctic/Baltic/brass monkey weather today.

It’s bitter out.

They say it’s going to get worse.

They say it’s the worst storm in forty years.

They say we might – might – have snow at Christmas.

Snow!

Snow’s all gone already.

It’s a night for the fire.

It’s treacherous out there.

Remember the big freeze we had a few years ago?

Great weather for drinking pints.

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