Monday

Sitting in front of a blank sheet of paper can be pretty daunting, so I run through my house collecting random objects and seeing if they can't be used in one of my creations. A Biro, my phone bill and a paperclip will all go towards the final masterpiece. Or not.

Tuesday

Ring SJP and thank her for all the publicity she's given me in wearing that glorious pastiche of summer on her head to the Sex and the City opening night. I've been told that the Miranda girl was overheard asking what on earth was on Sarah's head, but she can't be expected to understand my work as objets d'arts.

Wednesday

The person whose head I'd most like to decorate is fellow misunderstood Irish child Sinead O'Connor. I'd make something really phallic and angry to sit atop that shaven head. Note to self: get to work.

Thursday

Go shopping for raw materials. I need 20 bamboo sticks, some Pritt Stick, a few butterflies, some candyfloss and some really strong white card, of the kind that Mary 'Make and Do' FitzGerald used to recommend on RTÉ 's How do you Do?

Friday

Sometimes I reach a creative wall, but when that happens I get back to nature. Sometimes I visit the zoo and the extraordinary strength of the lions and tigers remind me of the strength of some of my clients. I might even stick tiny little lions on top of people's heads. Genius!

Saturday

At the end of a creative cycle, the best thing to do is to doodle all my thoughts in a continuous stream of consciousness down on a single sheet of paper. What's the recurring motif? Why, it's the butterfly. I think we'll be seeing a lot more of that.

Or this is how it would be if we were Philip...