A year ago, no one would admit to owning just one pair of shoes. Now, an béal bocht is back in fashion

Monday

The O-Zone’s all-time favourite movie one-liner comes from the cult classic Withnail & I, when a seriously hungover Withnail, brilliantly played by teetotal thespian Richard E Grant, self-piteously announces, “I feel like a pig shat in my brain!”.

Waking up in an Oxford hotel room this morning, that’s exactly how I feel. Relax readers, I haven’t contracted the dreaded ‘swine flu’. It’s just a mild dose of ‘wine flu’ (also probably ‘beer flu’, ‘vodka flu’ and ‘Long Island Ice Tea flu’).

Another great quote comes from the hell-raising Dean Martin: “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning that’s as good as they’re gonna feel all day.”

Taking solace in Martin’s wise words, I check out of the hotel and hit the streets with six hours to kill before the airport bus departs. But what to do? I had planned on visiting Oxford’s world-famous dictionary factory, but really don’t feel up to it. Besides, nobody I’ve asked seems to know where it is.

Thankfully, at least my work here is done. I arrived yesterday afternoon and spent my evening hanging out with Jape’s Richie Egan (winner of the 2008 Choice Music Prize) and the lovely Lisa Hannigan and her band. They’re touring the UK together to promote Lisa’s recently released Sea Sew album, and a nicer or more chilled-out bunch of people you couldn’t hope to meet.

Although their show was in the Oxford Academy, we did the interviews in a pub just down the road called the Hobgoblin.

I return there to wait for the bus. There’s a sign outside the door which reads: “You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy”.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, they do lots of clever signs and public notices around Oxford. Heading towards the Hobgoblin, I spot a hilarious one in a restaurant window: “We put the ‘chic’ in chicken!”

Tuesday

Heartiest congratulations to Ryan Tubridy on getting the Late Late Show gig. I can’t say I’m particularly surprised (actually, I’m kicking myself for not placing a bet).

The cynic in me can’t help suspecting that RTE management made this decision many months ago, and just decided to milk it for as much publicity as they could get. Or maybe not.

Anyway, speaking of beating off stiff competition, heartless commiserations to competition-losing onanist Aidan Clifford (29), who up until this week was known as ‘Ireland’s Most Romantic Man’.

Last month, Clifford and his 30-year-old fiancée, Ellen, won a magazine competition and were declared ‘Ireland’s Most Romantic Couple’, winning a prize of a €46,000 dream wedding package — which included a gala wedding reception in Parknasilla, Co Kerry, a designer wedding dress, and an all-expenses paid honeymoon.

The prize was withdrawn yesterday after it was revealed Clifford had admitted three offences which were offensive to public morals and decency in Galway District Court last year.

Despite the humiliation, his fiancée is apparently standing by him. So maybe it’s true love, and they are Ireland’s most romantic couple, after all. Even so, can you imagine what the speeches at their wedding will be like?

Wednesday

Fair clucks to Gary Kehoe, the righteously angry shareholder who threw rotten eggs at AIB chairman Dermot Gleeson during the beleaguered bank’s emergency general meeting in Dublin (well, he could hardly throw nest eggs).

There’s no doubt that his actions were premeditated. “I bought them a month ago and made sure they were really evil smelling – like the board of AIB,” the retired businessman told reporters as he was ‘egg-scorted’ from the meeting.

“I have no regrets whatsoever. I should’ve brought a gun!”

The 66-year-old grandfather was furious at the bank’s FUBAR lending practices, which resulted in his shares dwindling to a tenth of their value, leaving him with nothing but the State pension and a small dividend from a rental property to fund his retirement.

Things are apparently so bad in Kehoe’s Blackrock household that he could only afford two eggs.

“I only brought two because I couldn’t afford to buy the half-dozen,” he claimed. “I didn’t throw my shoes, which is probably a greater insult, because I only have one pair of shoes.”

It’s amazing how quickly things have changed in this country. Twelve months ago, it would have been socially verboten for a middle-class Irishman, of any age, to admit to only owning one pair of shoes. Now, an béal bocht seems to be back with a vengeance.

Thursday

Readers will recall that The O-Zone flew to London a fortnight ago to meet Tori Amos, only to have the singer cancel at the last moment. She rings today to apologise (she had food poisoning) and we do the interview over the phone instead.

Tori’s 10th studio album Abnormally Attracted to Sin has just been released, which is pretty good going in an industry where most artists don’t make it to album number three.

She claims that regular touring is what kept her going through the tough times: “I think that one reason that I’m talking to you today is that the live side of my career got me though the fifth, sixth, seventh records. Sometimes those are very difficult times because you are not a classic car yet. Being a woman in your mid-to-late thirties in the music industry is like having leprosy.”

Friday

I see that Katie Price and Peter Andre are splitting ... the profits.

Saturday

Afternoon flight from Shannon to Alicante. I’m on a mission to prove the Hobgoblin’s sign wrong...

Sunday

Mission accomplished.